Day 41, Operation Looking GOOD feeling GOOD

Yesterday was a pointless day, as in too many points. Having said that I did not pig out, I just eat a lot more than I should to lose weight. I have never been to the shops since I¡ve been on this diet and bought loads of crap like before. On Friday when at X uncles, they put crisps on the table, X eat quite a few even though he always use to critize me for eating them. I can't say I really wanted to eat them, I was quite indifferent and didn't touch them

However, last night I had terrible diarrhea, I think it might have been the ice cream I ate, things like that seem not to go down to well if I have too much.

Anyway I am more or less the same weight lately, I plan to do more exercise next week so see if that helps me lose

Points:

cheese on toast (1.5)
corn (0.5)
digestive biscuit (1.5)
pumpkin pure (5)
cheese and turkey one round (2)
nuts (1.5)
apple (0)
cheese and turkey sandwich (3.5)
biscuit (1.5)
walnuts (1)
pistachos (1)
________________

19 points out of 20 allowed

No vitamin tablet or exercise

When I watched a programme the other night about anorexics I could quite understand them. I mean, I am not anorexic, but because of my other problem. From the outside, their problem seems stupid, just eat and you are okay, the problem seems the same for me, just get in a car and go as far as it takes you, problem solved. But the reality is not like that, neither theirs or mine. I just want a magic wand and my problem to be gone, and instead it is just very small steps and then feeling much the same as before. In many ways its like you losing weight, you have to put loads of effort into it, but then, you are just the same, but you know that if you continue putting loads of effort into it, you will eventually lose the weight, and I will eventually be well. But as results are not quick, and the end result it so faraway it can be really frustrating and every now again I feel very overwhelmed and disheartened. But I try not to let it last for long, I will not get far like that.

And on top I am on my diet. The thing is, I dont have to think of the whole picture, just concentrate on my everyday steps. The difference is, now, I am in the process of getting well, of getting slim, it may take a time, but before I was not in a process, now I am THATS THE DIFFERENCE. Every day takes me that very much closer to my goal I just get frustrated because I want everything now, and I want a baby NOW, not in a near future where in the middle I have to go through all sorts of situations that are not pleasant to get there.

So, one more step, and I have to think, I am going to look great this summer!!!